Overpowering Perfectionism
October 14, 2009 | Filed Under Books | 6 Comments
I recently had the opportunity to review Debbie Jordan Kravitz’s new book, Everything I Know About Perfectionism I Learned From My Breasts: Secrets and Solutions for Overpowering Perfectionism. Debbie is someone I met quite some time ago through her blog, Virtually Organized. She is a Professional Organizer, a breast cancer survivor and a recovering perfectionist.
I was anxious to read Debbie’s book because I too believe that I’m a recovering perfectionist. It wasn’t too long ago that I would completely fall apart if something didn’t go according to my plan. To say I was a control freak was an understatement. Spontaneous wasn’t even a word in my dictionary because heaven forbid I actually do something without planning it to death. It was terrible and I’m sure I wasn’t a lot of fun to live with. But slowly over the years I’ve learned to let go of these exhausting tendencies and embrace the Plan B. I’m going to be writing more on this in the months to follow.
I loved Debbie’s book so much that I wrote a testimonial for her and how surprised was I when I received the book to find it right there on the back cover. So exciting! Here is what I had to say:
“Everything I Know About Perfectionism” is filled with straightforward and practical advice. It is further enhanced and made possible by the honesty with which Debbie tells her own story. If you struggle with perfectionism and want to experience the freedom of living an authentic life, imperfections and all, this book is for you. Discover how perfectionism can keep you from living the life you dream of, and how to overpower it once and for all.”
I asked Debbie to make my blog one of her stops on her book tour and she was kind enough to answer a few questions for me that I’m so excited to share with you today. I know it’s a bit long but Debbie’s story is so inspiring and definitely offers hope to anyone experiencing the debilitating affects of perfectionism in their own life. I hope you feel encouraged by her answers. At the end you’ll find a discount code to receive 10% off the price of the book.
Hi Debbie, thanks for joining me here today. As I read your book I was amazed at all the different ways perfectionism can manifest itself. Tell me a little bit about why you use to consider yourself to be a perfectionist.
I was the stereotypical over-achieving, type-A, first-born child. I was highly competitive (mostly with myself) and would silently agonize over every mistake I made. When I was first married and starting my own family, I was determined to create a “perfect” life. I had huge expectations for myself, and when I couldn’t live up to these self-imposed standards I was left disappointed and overwhelmed with my perceived shortcomings.
And what did your breasts have to do with changing this behavior?
Well, it wasn’t so much my breasts as it was my experience with stage 2 breast cancer at age 35. In the blink of an eye, my sense of order and control was gone. I was at the mercy of my diagnosis, my doctors, and the disease. I faced a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction, chemotherapy, radiation, and a lifetime of medication. My very imperfect situation literally stared back at me in the bathroom mirror. It took a lot of introspection, but those imperfect breasts taught me many life lessons. Cancer became my “A-HA!” moment; it was the motivation I needed to finally sit back, take stock of my life and my priorities and realize that perfectionism was ruining my dream of a truly happy and fulfilled life.
I love that throughout the book you also include stories from others sharing how perfectionism played a role in their lives. It really is a debilitating disease isn’t it?
Yes, it certainly can be. I was lucky to find some fellow recovering perfectionists with some amazing stories. Throughout my interviews, they discussed the reasons they developed their extreme perfectionism, as well as the countless negative consequences they experienced. Perfectionism rarely stands alone and is often intertwined with issues such as low-self esteem, procrastination, eating disorders, and mental paralysis. Even chronic disorganization can co-exist with perfectionism, as more than one of my case studies revealed. Each interviewee also shared their personal “A-Ha!” moments, as well as their strategies and solutions for overpowering perfectionism.
What do you think is the most common negative consequence of perfectionism?
One common thread among all of the recovering perfectionists in my book is the regret we feel for everything we missed out on as a result of perfectionism. Perfectionists don’t typically take risks because we like to be able to ensure a successful, perfect, outcome. So we don’t try things we aren’t guaranteed to do perfectly. Being a perfectionist can hold you back from stepping outside of your comfort zone, trying new things and living a fulfilled life.
Are the symptoms always negative or are there some ways being a perfectionist can benefit us?
Although each recovering perfectionist I studied experienced very debilitating consequences as a result of being a life-long over-achiever, each one was also able to pinpoint many benefits, too. For example, in their youth, all of them were good students and a few even graduated from Ivy League schools. Several of the interviewees were accomplished athletes, too. It wasn’t until they took control of their perfectionism and learned to leverage its positive influences, however, that they were able to not only reach even greater success, but be satisfied with their accomplishments, as well. By finally learning to mitigate the negative impact of out-of-control perfectionism these people reached a level of personal success that was never possible to their former selves. Several are now successful business owners, and all of them are confident, accomplished and, most importantly, satisfied.
Is it possible to take the good without the bad?
Yes! The difference between a recovering perfectionist and a chronic perfectionist is awareness and control. A recovering perfectionist is aware of the negative consequences of his actions and consciously chooses to avoid such dangers. We do not let perfectionism take control of our life, but rather use all the benefits while dismissing the negatives. Now, I wish I could tell you that perfectionism is something I no longer struggle with, but the fact is, it’s a part of who I am. But my imperfect breasts have taught me that I am bigger than my perfectionism. I am more powerful, more persistent and more determined.
To read about so many women and how they conquered their perfectionism is really inspiring and you offer many helpful and practical solutions on how to do this. Can you share your top five tips for overpowering perfectionism?
1. Don’t try to banish perfectionism from your life, but rather accept that it is a part of your personality. Learn to distinguish the difference between “excellence” and “perfect” and decide for yourself what that means to your life.
2. Fake it till you make it. Try emulating the behavior of people you know who seem to be satisfied with “good enough.”
3. Arm yourself with an anti-perfectionism mantra (mine is simply “I am NOT a perfectionist anymore!”). Whenever you feel perfectionism creeping up on you, chase it away with your silent, or not so silent, chant.
4. Extend beyond your comfort zone and try something new. Approach this new adventure with no regard as to whether you succeed or fail.
5. Step outside of perfectionism for one day and do something out of character to desensitize yourself to the uncomfortable feelings of imperfection (leave the dishes in the sink overnight, wear mismatched socks, go to the store without make-up on).
I love your mantra “seeking simplicity in all that you do”. This is something I am always trying to achieve as well. How has it made a difference in your life?
As a perfectionist, I would over-complicate things unnecessarily. Plus, I’ve always been a “got to do it ALL” type of person and I just couldn’t say “No” to new responsibilities. Now I aim for simplicity; saving time on the daily grind of keeping a household and business together so there is more time to spend on the things I enjoy. Taking the simple route has dramatically reduced the everyday stress in my life. Forgetting about “perfect” organization and instead striving toward being organized enough has made a huge difference, too. Simplicity also helps to reduce procrastination, because it is much easier to approach and complete a simple project, rather than an intricate, over-complicated ordeal.
Why did you want to write this book?
This book actually started as a post on my blog, www.VirtuallyOrganized.com. I really just wanted to share with my subscribers the lessons I had learned about the benefits of overpowering perfectionism. Soon after, I was asked to contribute a chapter to someone else’s book on how I simplify life. When the book fell through, it was actually my mother who suggested I write my own book. My fear of failure started to creep up and I dismissed the idea right away, but it wasn’t long until I decided to take my own advice, reach outside my comfort zone and go for it. I hope that I can help others discover a life outside of perfectionism, too, and possibly serve as an example of how you can take adversity, such as my breast cancer, and turn it into a life-changing “A-HA!” moment.
So awesome! Thanks for stopping by Debbie and sharing your story with us!
From the sale of every book purchased via the link below and by using the code FYB in the donation code area, Debbie will donate $2.00 to an organization called Feel Your Boobies on my behalf and in honor of October being Breast Cancer Awareness Month. FYB is an annual campaign focused on their mission of utilizing unexpected and unconventional methods to remind young women to “feel their boobies”.
Debbie is also offering orgjunkie readers a 10% discount on her book. All you have to do is use the Add to Cart button below and your 10% off is instantly applied to the regular price of $19.95.
Family Printables + giveaway
October 8, 2009 | Filed Under Household, Kids | 167 Comments
Updated: This giveaway is now closed. The winner is Joy from Frugal Menu Mamas!
A couple of weeks ago as I was perusing around Etsy, one of my absolutely favorite sites, I came across these fun Family Rules Printables by Perfect Sentiment and just had to buy a set for myself.
I thought they would be awesome hung in our dining room as a great reminder about what the family rules are. I love the idea of our expectations being clearly displayed for the kids in hopes that they might actually get it. A girl can dream can’t she 
The printables were reasonably priced at $4.00 and I figured that while I could easily make them myself I wasn’t willing to sacrifice the time it would take to do it. Not when I could purchase them so inexpensively and be able to download them right away.
I quickly ran down to my local dollar store to purchase some 5×7 frames and was able to get 6 black frames for $10.00.
This little project took me no time at all to assemble and I was so pleased with the results I just had to share it with you. This is how they look hung up in our dining room.
So for $14.00 I got a great piece of conversational art in my dining room that leads to many a family discussion around the dining room table. And now that I own the printables I can easily assemble some sets for Christmas gifts if I want to.
When I emailed Erin of Perfect Sentiment to tell her how pleased I was she offered to give away a set of printables to one of my readers. So if this is something that interests you just leave a comment on this post prior to Oct 11th at 12:00 pm PST to enter. Open to everyone.
Recently Written
Miscellaneous
